Give Me Something

Hello Bloggers!


Hmmm. I am terrible at blogging. I realized today that I haven't been blogging. But I haven't been running either. I am living in shame of you guys! Nah. I am just kidding. I am just...working through my running right now. Don't worry everyone. I don't give up on goals. Sometimes you have to adjust your goals, but that doesn't mean that I am going to give up. So hang in there with me. Cause if you have the patience to hang in there with me and put up with all my antics, then I know that you will glad that you did. So hang in there with me readers!!


So, as you all know, my biggest motivation is my grandfather. There are some days where I just feel sad, or peaceful, or reserved. And sometimes it takes me a minute to figure out why. I am programmed to take an emotional hit, grieve for a few days, then get up and move on. It's something that I have to do. I push that panic of depression and grief away and I live my life. But there are some days where I just can't do that. Every time I touch my violin. Every time I drive his car. Every time I see an old man with his granddaughter. I have grandparent envy! I really do. I carry this around with me always, but I don't share it. 


So, yesterday, the new O.A.R album was released. FYI all you west coasters/O.A.R newbs: O.A.R. is the best band ever. Period. No argument. And they scarily know my life. Well, tonight, a friend pointed out that one of the bonus tracks is about the main artist losing his grandfather. It's a perfect song. Half of it is instrumental, which I love (being a violinist, I tend to focus more on the music than the lyrics), but then the lyrics say exactly what I have been feeling and carrying around with me since the morning I woke up and knew Nonno was gone. I knew before my mom even called me, and I was 2,000 miles away. This song pretty much says it all. Though it makes me sad, I love being able to hear what I feel. If that makes any sense. But pretty much, I love O.A.R. and sometimes, music is what saves me. And I will always love my Nonno. I will carry the happiness I had with him around with me everywhere. But I will also carry the sadness of losing him.


 Grief doesn't go away just because a person stops talking about it. Sometimes I wonder if people can see it in my eyes. I feel like I carry so much loss with me, and I wonder if anyone can see. And then I realize...it doesn't matter. It's like what Albus Dumbledore says, "Do not pity the dead, Harry. Pity the living, especially those who live without love". It's true. But anyways. I thought I would share this song. I am going to post it in my favorite music section. If I can figure it out. 


Summer is almost over. And then it is back to Utah. Back to cold. I am going to cling to this miserable humidity as long as possible. Haha.


Lesson #5: Always hang on to the good. Even when you are sinking in the abyss of depression, count all the little good things that happen in one day and add them all together until you can see happiness in the world again. 


Happy Running!